I walk around all the day with a smile on my face. I tell my friends that i am much more happier than ever and have many deep belly laughs, Many distractions throughout keep my mind busy, I enjoy life as anyone should because life is amazing..!!! It isn't until i make myself a cup or tea and crawl into bed that it hits me.
As i start preparing myself for sleep, I remember all the how the days with you were and specially those late night 2 A.M chats and how i loved you despite of your flaws and how you left me in pieces. I thought i was over you. I thought i already moved on and i told myself that i lave already accepted the fact that you and i will never be the together. I told myself that i am now okay and i am feeling better.
But nights like this when i open my Facebook account and see our name in the online list, makes me want to message you and tell you how much i miss you. I go back to my old self who is hopelessly in love with a girl whom i can never marry. I go back to the old me who's excited in even the slightest attention that you give. I instantly become the guy who's willing to do everything just to make you happy, just to make sure that you will never feel alone, like what i felt.
I ask myself what did i do wrong and what is missing from me, why do you have to leave me. Was there anything wrong in my behavior with you? , I feel stupid and i constantly seek answers to these questions only to sleep every night asking the same things. Every time when i think of you and scroll down my fb news feed i will find some post that perfectly describes you or what i feel about you, makes me relive all the pain that you have caused me and all the happiness you brought me. It's a collection of bittersweet memories, a montage of moments that will either make me smile or cry. When i try to give my time and love to another, reminds me that there is only one you in this universe. There is only one you that could make me feel this way. I hate nights because I know that I am not okay.
It takes me a long time to fall asleep. Just the clockwork, as soon as the light switches off, my mind goes into overdrive: Unfinished tasks for work. That stupid thing i wish i hadn't said to my mom. All the writing that there has to be done and no idea to fill the page. Now, I know that it isn't uncommon for someone to overthink before they drift into sleep. We all have our worries and fears. Being a person is not that easy and that is a fact ingrained in our humanness. But even knowing this unity of the human condition doesn't make 4 A.M feel any less lonely, or make the sky look less endless
So instead, I turn to thoughts of you. Maybe it's the stubbornness of love, maybe it's just plain pathetic. I am not completely sure. All i know even after all this time, I still seem to land on you last and remember all the time that have passed and all about what could have been. I'll drift back to times where people thought we were dating, and this made me a little happy, but mostly sad because I knew it would never happen... :( , but with our millions of miles apart. Mine had open arms. yours was walking out the door. I'll think of your kind eyes, your calloused hands. Our fights. Our last kiss :p (hope you remember that night). I'll fall asleep to these memories of you, moments that are far buried in the past, and i always wake up feeling more tired than before.
It doesn't take long and tears I swore didn't exist finally surface. My stomach aches with regret and curiosity as i think about you. I stare at my blank phone fantasizing your name will pop up with a text or a phone call. I play over every inch of our relationship to see if it could have been different, as if there was one significant turning point that changed everything. I have never felt so broken before, by someone i thought that would never brake me. It's been months since you backed out of that driveway and never looked back. I don't understand why am i still looking back?? . I am embarrassed to say that I am , so to many friends I pretend that I am looking so far ahead and it's unbelievable. I wake up to a new day tell myself it's not going to happen again. Put a smile on my face walk out the door and act like i am not a complete mess
I ask myself what did i do wrong and what is missing from me, why do you have to leave me. Was there anything wrong in my behavior with you? , I feel stupid and i constantly seek answers to these questions only to sleep every night asking the same things. Every time when i think of you and scroll down my fb news feed i will find some post that perfectly describes you or what i feel about you, makes me relive all the pain that you have caused me and all the happiness you brought me. It's a collection of bittersweet memories, a montage of moments that will either make me smile or cry. When i try to give my time and love to another, reminds me that there is only one you in this universe. There is only one you that could make me feel this way. I hate nights because I know that I am not okay.
It takes me a long time to fall asleep. Just the clockwork, as soon as the light switches off, my mind goes into overdrive: Unfinished tasks for work. That stupid thing i wish i hadn't said to my mom. All the writing that there has to be done and no idea to fill the page. Now, I know that it isn't uncommon for someone to overthink before they drift into sleep. We all have our worries and fears. Being a person is not that easy and that is a fact ingrained in our humanness. But even knowing this unity of the human condition doesn't make 4 A.M feel any less lonely, or make the sky look less endless
So instead, I turn to thoughts of you. Maybe it's the stubbornness of love, maybe it's just plain pathetic. I am not completely sure. All i know even after all this time, I still seem to land on you last and remember all the time that have passed and all about what could have been. I'll drift back to times where people thought we were dating, and this made me a little happy, but mostly sad because I knew it would never happen... :( , but with our millions of miles apart. Mine had open arms. yours was walking out the door. I'll think of your kind eyes, your calloused hands. Our fights. Our last kiss :p (hope you remember that night). I'll fall asleep to these memories of you, moments that are far buried in the past, and i always wake up feeling more tired than before.
It doesn't take long and tears I swore didn't exist finally surface. My stomach aches with regret and curiosity as i think about you. I stare at my blank phone fantasizing your name will pop up with a text or a phone call. I play over every inch of our relationship to see if it could have been different, as if there was one significant turning point that changed everything. I have never felt so broken before, by someone i thought that would never brake me. It's been months since you backed out of that driveway and never looked back. I don't understand why am i still looking back?? . I am embarrassed to say that I am , so to many friends I pretend that I am looking so far ahead and it's unbelievable. I wake up to a new day tell myself it's not going to happen again. Put a smile on my face walk out the door and act like i am not a complete mess
YOU ARE THE IRREFUTABLE BOOK;
ONCE SOMEONE PICKS YOU UP TO READ;
THEY NEITHER CANT PUT IT DOWN, NOR CAN FINISH READING IT.
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